Wednesday, October 20, 2010

This Too Shall Pass

The gaggle and I didn't go on too many road trips this past baseball season. Hotel rooms and three small children are toxic for sleep. I don't know why, I just know it's true. We did manage to make it to Indianapolis early on in the summer and were very happy that good friends from home could join us.

Unfortunately, the night after the first game, Andy got food poisoning and was up until the wee hours throwing up.

(It's beginning to sound like we vomit alot. Now that I think about, we do. Here's hoping that trend is moving on. Forever.)

There's not much worse than food poisoning. Unless you get it in a hotel and you have to bond with an unfamiliar toilet.

(The last time Andy got food poisoning we were in a hotel in Memphis. We were competing for space because I was 6 weeks pregnant with the Littles and could barely keep a pretzel down. Good times. This is also when Michael Phelps won all those gold medals. Before he smoked the pot.)

And now I will try to return to the point of my story. If I even had one.

I say all this because due to the sickness of my dear husband, we had to come up with a plan B for entertainment. If you're staying in a hotel with little people, your best bet for survival is to get them out of the room and wear them out. Our friends from home jumped onto plan B with us and we headed to the zoo.

Which is also what we do. We throw up and we go to zoos.

Man, I need a hobby.

So we mommies and the kiddos had a great morning at the zoo. Sometime during the melee of snacks, carousel rides and elephants, Lainey's hair bow ended up in Miss Amanda's diaper bag. Amanda then held on to said hair bow for several months until we came back home for a visit.

And that's where my story begins. Which is kinda sad seeing as I've already bored you to tears with my drivel.

I'm just trying to paint the picture.

So that bow became Lainey's favorite bow EVER because Miss Amanda saved it for her.

Favorite bow ever.


She proceeded to wear it every day. No matter the outfit. Which I was fine with. Seriously, the fact that she wanted to wear a bow at all was a win in my book. The girl cries every time I do her hair.

Every day.

So wear the Amanda hair bow she did.

Until I flushed it down the toilet.


She had just gotten up from rest time and the bow was a little askew. She peed and I leaned over the toilet to wipe her. I'm still not entirely sure how it happened but somewhere between the wipe and the flush, I bumped her head, knocking the bow into the bowl just as the flush was ending. Before I could finish shrieking

it was gone.

It was one of those mothering moments where I really wasn't sure what to do. I could tell by the look on her face that she didn't know what had happened. That combined with the fact that she said

What happened, mom?

Darn the shrieking! Keep a poker face for once, woman!

And then the great debate began. Do I tell her I just flushed her favorite hair bow EVER down the toilet? Maybe we just let this one slide? Will she notice it's gone? Is there any way I can blame the Littles?

Who am I kidding, this child doesn't forget anything. Sooner or later she's gonna notice herself in the mirror.


And so I told her.

Lainey, Mama just accidentally flushed your hair bow down the toilet. I'm so sorry.

You would have thought I said

Lainey, you will never be able to eat fruit snacks again. Also, I think you're a stinky dancer.

Her face completely crumpled up, followed by the silent pause (oh dear) and then the most dramatic wailing you have ever heard.

My favorite hair bow! NO!NO!NO! Where did it go?

Um, well, it's down the drain with all the pee and the poop.

More wailing followed by,

EW, gross, not my FAVORITE HAIR BOW!

(Man, I should have gone with

All drains lead to the ocean.)

She cried real tears for nearly 15 minutes.

She has also avoided the toilet in our bathroom since the incident.

Forget saving for college, do they have special "future therapy" accounts?

I'll take three.



  1. I love your stories, I feel for you as I laugh, weird, but I like it. Maybe Miss Amanda can Make her a new bow and gift it to her by surprise, with glitter, bows and her favorite colors, worth a try, eh? Loving and losing is a tough lesson and the kind that doesn't get easier with experience. Hope she learns to love the toilet again SOON:)
    Your fan and fellow mama,

  2. I can't even tell you how hard I laughed at the Michael Phelp's comment! So random yet sooooo hilarious!!!!

  3. Great story, Jessie. Should be published.



  4. You make me laugh in the middle of my work day, and that's hard to do. :) Love you, Jess.

  5. Friend, usually I sit back and say "yup, been there", "yup, we've done that too". I can say with all honesty, I have not yet flushed a hair bow down the potty! I appreciate you leading the way on this! :)

  6. Oh my goodness. I am laughing so hard I am crying. Seriously. Crying. Thanks for my laugh of the day.