Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Because Helping is What I Do

Well y'all have information a plenty about pot roast. I received texts, emails, Facebook messages and what I think was a note via pigeon carrier, but I'm afraid of birds so I just hid in the garage until the thing flew away.

I came to realize, through all your insight, that there really is more than one way to skin a cat.

Which is probably not the most appropriate anecdote when discussing things done in the kitchen.

There was not one mention of cats. Or skinning things.

But there was lots of great information, some of it new, some of it I've tried before.

I've decided to give my friend Lora's recipe a go. She's clearly aware of my skill level because she sent photos like this:

And they were labeled.

She was also very descriptive with her instructions and knows how to speak to me because when she got to things that were VERY IMPORTANT she made sure the letters were VERY LARGE. 

You know, just to be clear.

Anyway, based on that and the fact that my mother-in-law was kind enough to bring me a new meat thermometer, I'm feeling pretty optimistic about the whole thing.

But why should I keep all the great guidance to myself?

Here it is, according to all my lovely friends,

How to make a pot roast:

Always cook it in a crock pot for 6 hours. 8 hours. 10 hours.
Use nothing but a roasting pan. In the oven. On high heat.
At 275*.
For seven hours.
Don't buy the wrong meat.
Be sure to brown it on all sides in a cast iron skillet before putting it in the crock pot/roasting pan/dutch oven.
Don't bother browning it, it's not necessary.
All you need for seasoning is salt and pepper.
Don't forget the following packets: dry onion soup, dry Italian dressing, dry ranch dressing.
Mix all the packets with six cups of water.
Don't fully submerge the meat.
Water is the only liquid you need.
Mix butter, red wine, beef stock and a touch of balsamic vinegar.
Followed by cream of mushroom soup.
Oh and tomato paste.
Put the vegetables in immediately.
But wait until half way through cooking.

After you've done all that, top it off with a sprig of rosemary, which should be growing in your window sill. If you do not have a fresh sprig, you should probably just order pizza, because you are lame.

Lord have mercy, I'm sweating just reading through all that. 

And also, no one called me lame, I put that on myself. 

Maybe I should just skip the roast and move on to my second kitchen concern.

Banana bread.

Now when it says three eggs, how necessary is that third egg? 

Because I almost always just have none two. 

When I make it I run into one of two problems,

it's either totally dry

or it sinks in the middle because I didn't leave it in there long enough.

Maybe I could use my new meat thermometer........

1 comment:

  1. Um, I'm assuming you're talking about Lora C and thus I find this even more amusing than it already was because I can totally see her both texting you labeled pictures and using CAPS when necessary emphasis is needed. LOVE.IT! Now, if you've still not settled on a happy pot roast recipe, I'd like to point you to Pioneer Woman's recipe because there's step by step directions with pictures and I happen to love those step by step pictures. Also, it's delicious. Happy Roasting!