Three months later.
I have half potty-trained twins.
Anyhoo, the aforementioned words went like this :
Me: Hey babe, my buddy Sarah B Doyle is doing a photo shoot of gals in their wedding dresses who've been married for awhile and asked me if I wanted to do it. Doesn't that sound like so much fun?
Babe: Do you think you still fit in your dress?
Me: Really?!? Did you have to say the first thing that popped into your head? Were you planning on ever sleeping with me again? Because you may have wanted to think that one through.....
Okay, I didn't really say that. I did fuss at him for his first thought. And the fact that he said it out loud. And then I finished my dinner.
Followed by an entire box of Red Berrylicious Mike & Ikes.
So this was in August and the pictures were scheduled for early September, right after we were going to be home from AZ. I had a few weeks to lose a few pounds.
But I still had it in my mind that I didn't really need to.
I mean, I know what I weighed when we got married and I know what I weigh now. It's not the same, but it's not that far off....
But then, I have carried three children, including a set of twins. And honestly there are some things from which the female body just never fully recovers.
One of those is carrying twins to 36 weeks and two days.
You haven't lived until you look down at your ever expanding belly and you can see an imprint of a head on the right, the indentation of someone else's butt on the left and three foot prints sticking out near your belly button.
I think the fourth foot was perpetually tap dancing on my bladder.
What I'm trying to say is, the weight may be the same, but the package has shifted.
About a month later we had arrived home in Ky. My dad was in town catching up after a long summer apart from his girls when Andy announced
Hey! You should try your dress on now.
Did I mention my mother-in-law was there too?
Nothing like facing the music with an audience. An audience that remembers what I looked like in the dress on that glorious day.
When I was 22. Not 34.
You know, back when my boobs were closer to my chin than they were to my belly button.
Andy rummaged through our guest room closet, tore into the box and there it was, just as lovely as I'd remembered it.
Then, like a shy teenager getting ready for prom I told him to
get out of here while I try this thing on.
It's at this point, I'm still pretty sure I gonna zip this puppy up and come marching outta there shouting
Look at me! I'm ten kinds of awesome. You doubted my ability to suck it in?
There was only one problem. Actually it was about six inches worth of problem.
That was the six inches of zipper that wouldn't go up because my back had spread from here to Texas.
I got past my belly just fine, it was the stinkin rib cage that had me in a pickle.
So after a bit of weeping (me) and texting with Sarah (Andy pretending to be me) it was decided that we would just figure a way to rig the back and only take shots from the front.
Not exactly ideal.
So when the evening arrived for the big photo shoot I rode (in my half zipped dress) out to the site with Sarah and our friend Whitney (in her fully zipped dress). We were meeting two other "brides" there and when we hopped out of the car I casually said to Sarah
You know, maybe you could just give it a go. Yank that zipper up for me, you think?
So girlfriend spread her feet out to get her bearings, grabbed hold of the zipper and yelled
Suck it in, girl!
IT WAS UP!
I couldn't breath, it was all weirdly bunched in the middle, but IT WAS CLOSED.
TAKE THAT ANDY GREEN! (Those may or may not have been my exact
I didn't know the other two mamas that were going to be posing with us, but they cheered so loudly for me that they became life long friends then and there.
Like just added their names to the Christmas card list friends.
We had a really great time.
And I'm so glad I did it.
But I'm pretty sure if she expects me to be ready to do it again in another eleven years, I need to cut back on the Mike & Ikes.
And the gestating of twins.
If you are in the central Kentucky area and you're needing to update that family photo that's been hanging over the fireplace since 1987 Sarah Doyle's your girl. She has a great eye and she's wonderfully patient with kids.
And 34 year old women who talk too much.
You can find her here.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to beg her to take the girls photo for our upcoming Christmas card.
Because we all know what happens when I try to do it.......