Wednesday, October 6, 2010

PukeFest Twenty Ten

This summer I had a serious discussion with a fellow baseball wife/mom about whether we'd rather clean poop or vomit.

Poop won, hands down.

Unfortunately, this conversation arose because I had just cleaned a pack-n-play, sheets, clothing and one child who had decided to play in her poop during nap time.


I'm not gonna name any names because to be honest they have both done it.

More than once.

I know, you feel sad for me.

You should.

It was also slightly unfortunate that we didn't have this conversation quietly or privately because there were two newlywed baseball wives, innocently sitting there, just taking it all in. I'm nearly certain they will never have children. EVER.

So sorry.

I am now more convinced then ever that we were correct in our analysis over which was worse. Because starting the night of my birth (September 9th, send gifts) all the way to the TWENTY-FIFTH of that same month, we had the plague.

Yes friends, that's 17 days.


Now it wasn't every day. When it started, Anna got it first, she threw up a few times in a 24 hour period as well as removed her diaper and pooped on the floor.

That was kinda funny, because Andy found it.

Twelve hours into Anna's bug, Emily started.

Now it's not so funny.

Not to be outdone or left out, Lainey started at the 48 hour mark.

And then someone in our house had vomiting and/or diarrhea for the next two and half weeks about every other day. I know, you're feeling very sad for me now.

You should.

Originally I had decided to pace myself with the Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. I had about a months worth, with a few extra on those rare days I would need two.

Who am I kidding? I was at two a day on day three of vomit laundry.

I hate vomit laundry.

I will give Lainey credit, as a nearly 4 year old, her aim has improved immensely.

The other two didn't get that memo.

I did so much laundry over the span of sickness our water bill was up $20.

That's unfortunate.

I also decided that four crib sheets isn't enough. Some nights, the littles and I ended up on the couch. With towels.

Which is how you catch vomit from an aimless baby.

In case you were wondering.

Towels, lots and lots of towels.

Did I mention the water bill?

And now I am sure you are wondering, how in the beep did they keep getting this?

I wish I knew.

The following is a list of things I did to get rid of the germs.

*Open windows. Fresh air. Aaaahhh.
*Put the children outside, more fresh air.
*Sprayed so much Lysol the can started to malfunction and while trying to fix it, I shot myself right in the face with it. True story.
*Washed sheets, towels, clothes eighty-seven times. A day.
*Bleached the washing machine.
*Bleached the puke bucket.
*Cleaned toilets.
*Bought a new toilet brush.
*Threw away stuffed animals.
*Threw away pillows.
*Bought new pillows.
*Boiled their toothbrushes. Twice. (I would have replaced them but they were BRAND NEW).
*Ran the dishwasher. Every night.
*Ran a special "wash your dishwasher" soap. I think they made that up. I fell for it.
Desperate times, people.
*Hand- mopped the kitchen floor. Which I have never done. In my whole adult life. (You can fuss as me for that later- when the puke trauma has passed.)
*And of course, on a daily basis, prayed to the Good Lord to MAKE IT STOP!

Eventually, it did. Although, both Andy and I still flinch every time we hear a little person cough or breathe funny over the monitor. And bless my hubby's heart, he had only been home from Buffalo for about three days when this all started.

Nothing says Happy Off-Season! like three projectiling children.

And I need to say, I would have been lost without him. He was amazing.

Except for the laundry.

I don't blame him.

He has a bad gag reflex.

At least, that's what he says......


  1. LOL, So glad THAT passed, yuck! AND that you have the sense of humor to pass it on in such a humorous way. P.S. Nothing is funnier than a man gagging over their childs bodily fluids, Especially when the child starts to mimic the horrible sounds, ah, the little things in life. This is Amy, Rhythms mama BTW:)

  2. OH girl, your house is a never ending supply of laughter. Thank you for sharing. I'm still waiting for our joint sickness festival however I have to say, when Jeffrey decides to get sick he produces enough laundry for 5 kids. Bless his heart, he doesn't just feel bad, he gets REALLY sick. The last time I ended up at the gas station and bought one of every drink they had trying to find something to rehydrate him. Here is hoping that your gaggle stays well for a LOOOOOONG time. Love ya friend!

  3. You poor thing! I am so bad with that stuff. So glad it has all passed! Joe used to do the poop and smear stuff. One time he did it twice in one day. He had it all over when I went to get him up in the morning, then he did it again at nap time. The first time I sighed, the second time I cried.

  4. Girl, all I can say is "Been there - DONE that"!!! Holy cow, I can handle about near ANY illness, but the stomach flu...I run miles to keep away from that!!! You are right - towels - it's the only thing to catch little people puke.

    A few weeks ago - Wyatt got strep - and with it comes puke. He gets up, starts walking calmly to the bathroom saying "I think I need to throw up" and promptly pukes in the potty. Love that kid!!!

    Sorry you had to get the flu there! It really is the worst. Ever.! Glad you are now living in a sterile environment :)