Don't Let the BedBugs Bite

Several years ago, before the gaggle, Andy and I lived in Tucson. He was playing AAA for the Diamondbacks at the time and the main responsibility in my life was

the dog.

He was a puppy and I was seriously in love.

I had been warned by a friend who had lived in the area her whole life about scorpions and tarantulas. She mentioned that at Buike's size (at the time he weighed about 3 lbs.) a sting by one of these creatures could be deadly.

She then went on to tell lovely stories of her sister putting glasses at the base of the legs of her babies beds so that the aforementioned scorpions and tarantulas couldn't climb into them. And bite them.

SCORPIONS AND TARANTULAS. IN THEIR BEDS.

She also said there were nights where they could hear tapping sounds on the glasses when the BIG HAIRY SCARY CREATURES were trying to climb up the sides.

I'm in denial about that last one. I think she was making it up.

So, late one night I'm up reading in the living room. The Buikester is cozied up at my side on the couch and I happen to catch movement out of the corner of my eye.

MOVEMENT!

OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE!

It was the dreaded scorpion. I grabbed Buike, ran screeching down the hall, woke Andy up, who came running back down the hall in his skivvies and beat the thing with a shoe.

All while I'm fussing about how it could have killed the dog.

KILLED! THE DOG!

Two seconds after mentally preparing myself to tell Andy that Buike and I were moving to Alaska, I stopped and looked at the thing. It was about an inch long. If that.

Then I realized I may have over-reacted.

Not that I do that.

After that night, I wasn't so paranoid. We later saw a few more the little critters as well as a tarantula who was waltzing down the sidewalk.

Just taking his hairy self for a moonlight stroll.

Because that's normal.

Fast forward about 7 years and three adorable children later and we're back in the desert. With tarantulas, scorpions and oh yeah, wild pigs.

I forgot about those.

I blame the children.

Anyway, I tried to put it in the back of my mind. The girls are all at a size where a scorpion sting would be annoying but not lethal. And what are the chances that would happen, anyway?

Don't answer that.

And then, last week I was putting away Lainey's laundry when I spotted this




I had a mini, but silent panic attack.

After I uncurled myself from the fetal position I took a closer look. Thankfully it was just a piece of carpet.



Can you say HALLELUJAH? I did.

A mere minute later, Lainey shrieked like the 4 year old girl that she is

BUGS! MOM! HUGE! BUGS!

She also rarely over-reacts.

But I ran into our room, where I had left the girls playing blocks.

Only now they were all three sprawled on their tummies, checking out the BUGS that were under our bed.



I'm taking the dog and we're moving to Alaska.

She Triiiiiiied to Tell Me

Usually getting ready to leave for the season is a bit chaotic. We're packing, sorting, trying to see friends one last time etc. This year we thought we'd change it up a bit.

I know what you're thinking.

Oh good, she finally got organized and didn't save everything to the last minute....

Um, no.

This time on top of the usual fall-dee-rawl (is that a word?) we decided to rent our home out (furnished) for the summer. We have been very blessed with the renters we found, but that added a whole new element to the ballgame.

Get it, ballgame?

Sorry.

Anyhoo, on top the usual mayhem of trying to fit all the junk five people and a dog will need for the next six months into two cars we also had to clean and sort the whole downstairs. Empty closets and get rid of personal items. Thankfully I didn't dilly-dally too much and I tried to get at least one project a day out of the way.

Clean out kitchen cabinets, clean out master closet and all dresser drawers. Clean out coat closets. Take down all personal photos. Sort through junk drawers. Clean out laundry room. (Which led to shortening the dryer hose and cleaning it out. I don't know why. I question the reasoning behind that one to this day. And do you know that you need wire cutters for this exercise? Cause you do. Which sent me to Lowe's. While Andy had the girls at the park. I think I have cleaning ADD.)

Sorry. Distracted myself. Something about ADD....

pause, pause

Um, okay, here we go, moral of the story is, it was a lot to get done, but it felt really good once we did it. At one point Andy was sitting on our closet floor covered up to his chin in clothes bemoaning his sorting chore when our dentist called. Saved by the hygienist. I've never seen him agree to an appointment so fast in my life.

You need me to come right now, OKAY!!

Punk.

Yeah, that was another thing we had put off until the last minute. Dental cleanings (both) and an eye doctor appointment (me).

Have I mentioned we have twins? Really?

Anyhoo, all that to say, one Saturday afternoon, before we left the girls were all down for naps. Lainey wasn't sleeping, but that's not unusual these days. She had already come out of her room more than once for several reasons.

I have to pee. I have to poop. I'm not tired. I'm hungry.

Finally I gave her some markers and paper and said

For the love of Pete, STAY IN YOUR ROOM UNTIL I GET YOU OUT OF IT!

To which she replied

Who's Pete?

Son of a gun, just stay in your room.

Okay.

I really thought the problem was solved until a little while later I sat down to eat a very late lunch ( after I had finally finished wading through the coat closets. Why do gloves never have a partner? I'm adding them to the "I hate socks" list.)

Once again Lainey's door started to squeeeeeeeak open.

Without even looking up, I said

Lainey go back in your room, right now.

But I have some marker on my hands.

We will wash your hands after rest time is over. BACK IN YOUR ROOM. (This actually sounded like BAHCK IN YOO WOOM, I blame the peanut butter).

The door clicked and I went about my business.

About an hour later Andy went upstairs to wake everyone because we were meeting some friends for dinner and the babies were still snoozing away. WHICH HAPPENS EVERY TIME WE HAVE TO BE SOMEWHERE. NEVER WHEN WE'RE STAYING HOME. WHY!!??!!

I will try to stop yelling.

So Andy goes into Lainey's room first and immediately comes out, leans over the railing and says

You need to come up here. And bring your camera.

Uh-oh.



Girlfriend was not kidding about the marker situation. And apparently she scratches her eyes, wipes her mouth and picks her nose in her sleep.

Bless her heart.

Top Ten Plus One

Top Ten Reasons I Should Be Potty Training Anna Grace.

1) She wakes up dry from her nap.

2) Has woken up dry in the morning (a few times).

3) She tries to change her own drawers. See exhibits A-C

{Exhibit A}



{Exhibit B}



{Exhibit C}



4) She follows Lainey to the bathroom every chance she gets.

5) She tries to wipe Lainey's booty all while peering into the potty to check things out.

Lainey thinks this is the very definition of teamwork.

6) Tried to wipe me yesterday.

Not the help I was looking for.

7) She tells me when she needs to poop.

8) She tells me when she's peeing.

9) Has mentioned a few times the her

dipey herwts.

10) She has even become a kind bed wetter, striving to make it fun for all.

Step 1 : Remove pants.
Step 2 : Remove diaper.
Step 3 : Move precious baby dolls to higher ground. (See exhibit D)
Step 4 : Pee a river.

{Exhibit D}




Number One Reason Mama isn't Potty Training Anna Grace

1) Emily Faith

The girl does not give two hoots about her diaper. At all. Ask her if she's pooped

Nope

and off she goes to play with her baby or wreak havoc on one of her sisters.

All while stinkin' up the joint.

So I asked my multiples club what they suggest when one is ready and the other isn't. I was thinking they would give me a pass, just say to wait it out...
They didn't. One mama of triplets potty trained them all at different times. Saying that the other two were inspired to action by watching the first. And it only took 6 months.

Help me.

I really want to just get it all done in one fell swoop. But I think that poor Anna might go cuckoo if we don't start soon.

That or her babies may develop a fear of heights.



*for those of you who are confused by the doll pic ~ that is our house in KY. We are currently in AZ. I'm just really behind in blogging. Pun totally intended.

Bullets

*To all three readers of this blog, please know that I am not ignoring you. Okay, I am a little bit. The lack of posting is due to a little tiff that the computer is having with the camera. They are not currently on speaking terms,but when things simmer down all sorts of blogging hilarity will ensue. Or not. Depending on if you think pee is funny. Or marker faces. Or tree climbing. Well, now that I read that, hilarity may be stretching it, so things will just return to normal. You know, silly stories with sub-par photos.

*We are settling in well. Found a great church. Went to a baseball wives bible study/luncheon. No one tried to kick me out for being a Mrs. Coach. Going to try to hit the bible study again next week. Also going to try to be on time to said study. Apparently Scottsdale Bible Church has two locations. (Ahem, Google!?!?!).

*Andy and Lainey made a run to Lowe's a few nights ago and came home with a gym membership, for me. Probably not going to let Andy out without proper supervision anytime soon. Went to the gym the next day. Probably going to spend a lot of time there. Two hours free childcare = mama can read, lay out by the pool, work on the computer, shower, read exercise in peace and quiet. My trainer's name is Kimberly. I have an appointment with her on Tuesday to assess my strengths and weaknesses. And to find out what my goals are. I'm pretty sure she's going to hyperventilate or cry or both when I tell her my goals are to walk a mile on the treadmill in less than 15 minutes, take a shower and then eat lunch in the awesome cafe. Every day. All in a span of two hours. I like to live on the edge. Pray for Kimberly. Noon on Tuesday. Mountain Standard Time.

*Guess what happens on daylight savings morning when you're on Mountain time? Your "smart phone" changes anyway and your husband jumps outta bed in a panic yelling. He then proceeds to dress, find his keys and flee the scene in less than two minutes all the while informing me that IT'S 6:30, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THERE AT SIX!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CLOCK?!? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BACK-UP ALARM?!? WHAT HAPPENED.... I didn't catch the rest of it because he was already backing out of the garage. Muttering to himself. Turns out he was right on time. Except he hadn't brushed his teeth. Or shaved. Or peed. Kind of a rough start to the day. And me? I started playing words with friends, because hey! it's already 6:30 and the girls will be up any minute. Only it wasn't. It was 5:30. Crap. And Lainey slept til 8:30. Stinker.

*Might be taking the Littles to an ENT or Allergist. Or both. Little ladies have an ear infection (again, and yes, they do these things together). This is their 5th in 6 months. I was really hoping that the warmer weather would nix the drainage (snot) which leads to the otitis. It didn't. They are the only kids I know that get runny noses 5 days into antibiotics. Bless their hearts.

*The Wildcats are SEC champs. I love March Madness. I do not love the west coast's television coverage of the beloved Wildcats. Special shout out to BooMama who pointed out that I could watch the first two games on ESPN3.com. And even congratulated me on their first win in the tourney. Even though she's a Mississippi State fan. Bless her heart.

*Heartbroken for the people of Japan. Praying for peace in this time of mourning and recovery. Thankful that all of our friends who are playing ball over there are safe and sound. (One of them was standing on the pitcher's mound when it happened!)

*I have no more news. I need to cut coupons before the girls wake up from nap time. Couponing? Yeah, that's a post in and of itself.

The end.

Baby, Baby, Baby OOHHH

The last time we Greens were in Arizona for spring training it was in Tucson. It was five years ago. And there were only three of us.

Me, Andy and the dog.

It didn't really take much packing or plotting to get two adults and a small dog across the country. At the time, I thought it was alot of work.

Ha. HAHAHAHAHA. BWAHAHAHA. Ha.

I cracked myself up.

This winter, when Andy signed with the Diamondbacks to be a hitting coach for the rookie ball team, I got a little excited. We really enjoyed our time in AZ, and we have several friends in the area that have never even met our children. (I was pregnant with Lainey when we left).

And then forty seconds later I realized we were going to have to get all three children, the dog and their stuff across the country.

Excitement diminished.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

You've been doing this your whole married life. Why is this different? You had three kids and a dog last year and the year before that....

I'll tell you why. Because since 2008 we've been on the east coast. No matter where went for spring training or the season, we were almost always just a days drive from home.

Last year I drove to and from Buffalo by myself with this crew. Twice.

This year, however, there will be no popping in at home. And that's okay, it just means I'd better not forget anything important. Like the dog. Or Emily.

I kid. I would never forget the dog.

All this to say, once we loaded both cars and the car top carrier (suh-weet!) with the essentials for the next six months (clothes, toys, two pink potties....)we said a prayer for safety and sanity (help me, Jesus!) and hit the open road.

It was smooth sailing for about 15 minutes until I looked back and Em had managed to wiggle one arm out of her buckle.

So I had to pull over before I even made it to the interstate.

Lainey said

are we there?

Oh boy.

Then she had to pee before we made it out of the state.

Oh my lands.

But after that, things really went surprisingly well. There were a few melt-downs when someone got over-tired, but once I got some caffeine, all was well.

We had a few unscheduled potty stops, including one on the side of a snow-covered mountain. Did you know that squatting to pee on the side of the road is a learned skill? Yep, Lainey hasn't conquered that one, yet.

Thank goodness for the pink potties.

I'm also thankful for the daddy who made sure we stopped to stretch little legs, never let me pump gas, and got two great hotel rooms so we could rest.

And for the fact that as the daddy of three girls he knew that sometimes you just have to have an impromptu Justin Beiber dance party in the parking lot of the Travel Stop in Tucumcari, New Mexico.

It was totally necessary.


You know you love me, I know you care
Just shout whenever, and I'll be there
You want my love, you want my heart
And we will never ever ever be apart.......